Fenny’s Fun Pensieve

I once popped this silly question on my YM status and was surprised that some of my friends actually responded to it. After I listened and had some creative thoughts, I came up with potential hints of the way people see love solely based upon their answers.

Here are some of them.

1. Milk coffee

Okay, this one is simple. It may raise some eyebrows as we are getting more and more accustomed to hearing foreign, sophisticated names such as frappucinno, espresso or stuffs like that. Yet I think people who pick milk coffee understand the sense of simplicity in love. They are laid back, humble, and not dragged to daydreaming of idyllic romance.

2. Caramel macchiato

Aha! I know many of you would pick this (thanks to Starbucks). What would I say? Ummm…you are modern –that’s easy to tell-, like to play in a game called love, often a social butterfly but loves to play hard to get. Definitely want someone equally sophisticated and comfortable with. Some clever advice from me : do consider people on the other line, people who you call nerds. They have interesting things to offer too J

3. Green tea frappucinno

Here comes the hybrid of two fore-mentioned types. They love to call themselves ‘down to earth’, easy going, and girl/boy next door. However, they look for certain qualities when it comes to hunting season. It’s so hard to explain what exactly they crave that they cannot tell. As a result, they may not find it easy to find someone who is right for them. Not surprisingly, they can get seriously hurt as much as –on the other side- break some hearts along the way.

4. Chocolate Royal

Only one person chose this : the one and only Monika Nurul Pratiwi (what a great introduction Mon, you should thank me for this, hehehe…). Didn’t I say that the question was about coffee? Then why did you answer Chocolate Royal anyway? *scratching head*

Needless to say, she is one of a kind. She comes up with unique and original ideas while maintaining the hip image and following recent trends. In love, she is a real flirt. Refuses any kind of categorizing, she manages to have a relatively successful ‘officially unofficial relationship’. Two thumbs up!

5. Milk

A genuinely good person, you don’t expect too much from your spouse. You’re supposed to be the most content lover, except for the fact that you can be too naïve and vulnerable. It’s okay to express the depth of your emotions as you have to learn that others have varying standards and demand some complexity in order to start paying attention to you.

Of course that was just my interpretation of correlating things that seem to be completely irrelevant. Yet they may not be as irrelevant as they seem to be. Coffee, as well as love, gives us good times and offer some relieve when the world outside is too much to bear. No wonder both can cause addiction! Little is good for your health but don’t overindulge which results in more and more cups (or love) needed. The least dangerous side effect is SD (Sleep Deprivation) which I’m sure every one of us has experienced J

Typical question from all men who cannot speak womanese ;-p
Here are my answers, some are typical while others -hopefully- are eye-opening.
1. Each woman perceives herself less than others.
Not beautiful enough, not interesting enough, not smart enough. In short, far from perfect. How come we have such low self esteem? Surprisingly, we suck that idea day by day in our pursuit to perfection. Every woman’s struggle for perfection causes another woman’s pain. Seeing our sisters and girlfriends succesful with their career, dazzling in their appearance, happy with their marriages/relationships adds so much pressure into our own image of perfect life. That’s why even those who are deemed ‘perfect’ by others keep comparing themself and feel inferior.

2. In relationships, it’s widely recognized that men are commitment-phobic and yes, unfaithful.
I don’t need to cite any facts and figures, do I? Just take this into account, Liz Hurley is gorgeous. Dare to say no? Yet, her back then fiancee Hugh Grant still screwed a prostitute in his car (anyway she’s black). Can you believe it?
One more illustration, Sienna Miller. Beautiful and goddess-like. Jude Law slept with his children’s babysitter though.
What’s wrong with these guys? Can’t they see what we see? Well, maybe it’s not their fault. Maybe it’s because women got F in sex!

3. Women tend to do more and more things simultaneously and in result, bear more responsibility.
That’s how it works these days. Contemporary women climb the corporate ladder while doing their domestic work. Making breakfast in -always- hectic mornings, preparing their children to go to school, reminding their husbands of important appointments, coming home late but still manage to cook dinner and spare their time to check childrens’ homework. How in the world with such obligations to endure we don’t get insecure???

4. One strike and you’re out
Americans say three strikes, yet today’s cruel world doesn’t show mercy. One lost chance and you may not get it for the rest of your life. One mistake at work and chances are, your boss would not even consider you to organise his cocktail party. One missed romantic date and you’ll spend next eight consecutive months loveless. The competition is getting so fierce that you would not have the luxury of just depending on your luck.

5. Wrinkles? Baby fat here and there? You need a major make-over!
Rich and famous ladies do great job in covering up their flaws. You don’t see a 50 year old in their natural form. They always look like they are 35. And if you are in mid-twenties like me, you face competition not only among your peers, but also with 10 years older women than you who know well about maintenance!
Let’s face it, they make much more money than you do. They have much better position at work. They probably have dated great guys five times greater in number than you have since you reached puberty.
But women at 30s and 40s have their fears as well. They fear of getting dumped by their husbands for a young girl half their age. At work they are afraid of being replaced by a younger, fresher look who’s willing to get paid at half their salary. Wew…ain’t this life complicated?

My suggestion to all insecure women is only one : love your self!
You are precious, just because you have been existed. There’s noone like you in this entire universe. And everyone of you has each unique path in this beautiful journey of life.

To all men who have read this, you are an inexcusable bastard if you use this newly-gained information to manipulate women’s insecurities and take advantage from them. I hope you’re damned here on earth and down there in hell!!!

Last night after work my friend Sylvi and I went to the mall, simply because we had nothing more interesting to do! After strolling arround like two lost kids, I popped up the question ‘What about going to the cinema?’ She said yes instantly. If you happen to be a frequent movie-goer, you must have known that started back in January, with 25 K Rps you can watch a movie in XXI (Tuesday-Friday), and only 20 K for Mondays. I’ve watched several movies ever since, but last night’s Pursuit of Happyness is the best. I personally think that Will Smith should have been awarded an Oscar for his appearance
If you haven’t watched it, I strongly recommend this movie, It’s human and soul-touching, and it’s based on a true story. I always like such flicks for I’m tired of superficials and oh-so-impossible stories. The movie depicts an episode of Chris Gardner’s life in 1981 when he was a humble salesman of medical device called bone density scanner. He was struggling to make ends meet. With one son aged five and a soon-to-be emotionally exhausted wife, he tried hard to sell at least two scanners to make sure his family survives for another month. When his wife finally couldn’t take it anymore and walked away, he insisted on taking care his son Christopher eventhough he knew it was nearly impossible for him to take care of his son and at the same time worked as an intern for a stock brokerage, and also tried to sell scanners on weekends. He pulled it off in the end, and watching him struggle during the movie is pretty agonising…
My favorite part would be the scene of Chris and Christopher playing basketball. Chris told his son not to believe anyone saying he cannot be what he wants to be, not even his dad. If you have a dream, you have to protect it, he said. Such inspiring words of wisdom came from a marginal, homeless black man who kept failing all his life. That’s beyond great, the immensity of his strong will and love to his son clearly showed.
Watching this movie makes me evaluate my own life and dreams I have that keep me alive. It reminds me of my parents’ struggle to send me to school and give me and my sister a decent & happy childhood inspite of financial instability of our family back then. I remember thet my father encouraged my sister and I to be swimming athletes, just to make sure that we have privileges to go to public university on athletic scholarship. I swam for almost 5 years and I cried a lot in the pool (maybe that’s why I’ve had a poor eyesight until now ;p) because that wasn’t what I wanted to be. I wanted to stay at home studying or watching TV instead of being in the pool for 2-3 hours on a physically hard exercise. I gave up on swimming when I was in the last year of elementary school despite my father’s opposition.
I made a pledge to myself that I would excel in school to show my father that I don’t need athletic scholarship to be accepted in a good public university. I simply spent years of my junior high and highschool studying, ignored the distraction of puberty and puppy love. Well, it wasn’t difficult to do since I was a nerdy and ordinary teenager hardly being in the spotlight.
It paid off. I got a place in Gadjah Mada University without UMPTN, exactly in a faculty of my choice. I had a lot of explanations to my parents on why I chose this study (Int’l relations). I told them I would take International Political Economy as my major. Anything related to Economy appealed to my parents so I finally had their blessings. Did I mention that I graduated as the best student achieving the highest score in Ebtanas? Hehehe.. (pssst, my score was 60.25). A little bragging wouldn’t hurt anybody, right? ^_^
I was never been that happier. Got a PMDK in my hand and a recognition as ‘the brainy student’ flew me up to the blanket of stars. Yet, the more challenging struggle had just begun in a new chapter. Trying hard to find my feet in a new environment has been the trademark of my life since then. Moved to Jogja, spent my college years for 3 1/2 years. Tried to get into the job market afterwards. Finally went to Jakarta to make a living. Living here was not an easy option. I don’t quite like big cities actually but I had no choice. My parents never wanted me to be just an average worker in a small city. They wish to see me climbing the career ladder out there… in a big city. I’m grateful for having them as my parents (my support system), and I just realized it again after watching the movie.
Someday when I settle down and start a family, I will tell my sons and daughters not to give up and succumb to other’s discouragement. I will be like Chris Gardner (except for the salesman part ;p I never make a good salesgirl!).

Our brain doesn’t work like computers in which you can erase things you don’t like with a single click. No, it certainly doesn’t. If that is the case, I bet life would be much simpler and nicer. There would be no hatred and conflicts amongst human beings as we easily erase bad memories caused by others’ action, harsh words, or ignorance. We would no longer be victimized by our own bad memories played over and over again-memories of events hurt us to the core, embarrassed us in some way, or tormented us physically and mentally.

I remember one ‘accident’ five years ago when I got bitten by my dog. He bit me on my left hand and he did the same to the right hand when I tried to use it to protect myself. The physical pain of it was nothing, compared to emotional grief I’ve had ever since. I had always been a pet lover, dogs especially (my own dog, to be more specific) and the fact that my own dog bit me is something I can never truly understand, even until today.

Since then I had either sleepless nights, or nightmares of I got bitten to death by dog (or dogs). I usually woke up feeling worse than what I felt in my dreams. The recovery took a year, marked by ‘dogless dreams’ and a new dog which I get along very well with.

Other memories, on the other hand, may take many more years to get over with. Some may even take a lifetime. Those, such as memory of painful moments when someone we love deeply turns out to be the one hurts us the most. Or when we must deal with rejections that come from our loved one or our surrounding from which we seek support and affirmation. Just imagine if someone you really love, rejects you with biased reasons (or maybe he/she refuses to say the reason). It doesn’t matter, you are hurt anyway, regardless you know the answer to your why’s or not.

Something I can’t fathom, those people –broken hearted and deeply hurt- glorify their memory by keeping pictures of their lost love, listening to music allowing them to sob and grief, or keeping things as a reminder, things like restaurant bills, small presents (even just a sweet strip once given by a loved one). Why don’t they just delete those pictures? Throw away those unworthy things if necessary (I don’t recommend you to throw your wedding ring to the garbage though!). Don’t lecture me with tons of excuses, for someone got bitten severely by a dog I know much about pain. The thing is I chose to move on. I decided to love my new dog (the dog who bit me, died a couple months after the accident. NO. I DIDN”T POISON OR STARVED HIM! I know you’re about to say that.)

And what puzzles me more is those who keep their memories even after they have someone new, someone who arguably loves them more than the cold-blooded who broke their hearts. I want to hear their reasons for nothing reasonable would serve a good excuse. But please give it a try. I’m looking forward to hearing from you!

To make you think otherwise, I can give you some refutable reasons for not doing that.

1.                  It’s foolish to rekindle bad memories. It only binds you to prolonged pain and unnecessary heartache.

2.                  It’s not fair for your new love. He/she deserves to have the complete you, not a broken, disoriented girl/guy who sets their template of happiness with someone from their past.

3.                  There is a possibility that your current girlfriend or boyfriend will soon get enough of you. It is very emotionally exhausting to think that our lover still has someone else so special in their heart.

Three reasons are enough. What are you waiting for? Start ripping pictures off, deleting them from your computer, and cleaning up your room of memories! I don’t say it will instantly cure your wounds, but it certainly helps you to recover.

[This is not my original writing, some of you may have read it before. Every word of it has some truth. You may not like it but it is true -at least to a certain extent. As you skim the article you will find these lines : "The one you love most doesn't love you. The one, who love you most, is never the one you love most.
And the one you spend your life with, is never the one you love most or the one who love you most". Get it? Hehe...Life is unfair, isn't it? Well, someone said to me "I think it's better to love than to be loved. And you feel great when the one you love also loves you." I remember replying to him "Of course, but it's way too idealistic."]

Four people you will meet in life.
Life is the process of finding love; every person will need to find four people in their life.

First person is you, Second person is the one you love most, Third person is the one who love you most, And the fourth is the one you spend the rest of your life with.

In life, firstly you will meet with the one you love most, and learn how love feels. Because you know how love feels, so you can find the person who loves you most. When you have experienced the feeling of loving others and being loved, you will then know what it is you need most. Then you will find the person who is most suitable for you, to be able to spend the rest of your life with.

Sadly, in real life, these three people are usually not the same person.

The one you love most doesn’t love you. The one, who love you most, is never the one you love most.
And the one you spend your life with, is never the one you love most or the one who love you most.
He is just the person who happens to be at the right place at the right time.

Which person are you in other people’s life?

No person will purposely have a change of heart.
At the point in time when he loves you, he really loves you. But when he doesn’t love you anymore,he really doesn’t love you anymore. When he loves you, he can’t pretend that he doesn’t. Same goes, when he loves you no more, there’s no way he can pretend he loves you.

When a person doesn’t love you and wants to leave you. You must ask yourself if you still love him, If you also don’t love him anymore, do not keep him just to save your pride. If you still love him, you should wish him happiness, and hope that he will be with the one he loves most, not stop him from it. If you stop him from finding true happiness with the one he loves, it shows you already don’t love him, And if you don’t love him, what rights do you have to blame him for a change of heart?

Love is not possessive, If you like the moon, you can’t just take it down and put it in your basin, But the moonlight still shines upon you. In other words, when you love a person, you can use another method of possessing the person. Let him become a permanent memory in you life. If you really love a person, you must love him for what he is. Love him for his good points, and the bad, You can’t wish for him to become like what you like him to be just because you love him. If he can’t change to become what you like him to be, you don’t love him anymore.

When you really love a person, you cannot find a reason why you love him, You only know that no matter when and where, good mood or bad mood, you will wish to have this person be with you. Real love is when two people can go through the toughest problems without asking for promises or listing criterias. In a relationship, you have to put in effort and give in at times, not always be on the receiving end. Being away from each other is a type of test, If the relationship isn’t strong, then you can only admit defeat. Real love will never become hate.

When two people are in love, They love to ask each other to swear, to make promises. Why do they ask each other to swear and promise?
Because they don’t trust each other, they don’t trust their lover. These swear and promises are useless; Till the sky falls, till the ocean dry, my love for you will never change! We all know that the sky will never fall; the ocean will never dry, Even if it does happen, are we still alive by then?
Be careful when making promises; don’t make promises that you cannot keep.
Swear by things that can never happen, because it can never happen, so no harm just saying it casually.
Remember, swearing by things that can never happen are the most touching!!
In a relationship, what you say is one thing, but what you do is another; The one saying, doesn’t believe; the one listening, also doesn’t believe.

My first encounter with this poem by Wislawa Szymborska (a Nobel prize winner) occured two years ago when I watched Turn Left Turn Right, a movie starred Takeshi Kaneshiro and Gigi Leung. Gigi played a translator who was doing translation of best-selling horror series yet she was far more interested in Szymborska’s Love At First Sight. I believe that the poem is the spirit of the story and it touches everyone who reads (the movie was based on a book) or watches it. I personally don’t believe such cheesy romantic stuffs as ‘love at first sight’, ‘dancing in the moonlight’, or ‘happily ever after’. Nevertheless this poem has just got the better of me since the first time I watched the movie. It’s moving yet logical, romantic yet honest… I do believe that everything happens for a reason, and everything’s made for the BIG thing. There’s no such thing as coincidence. Fate makes things intertwined one another, at first we would not recognize its astonishing work of arts but there will come a day that we shake our heads and exclaim ‘So…this is it..!’ I will say no more and leave you with English translation of Szymborska’s Love At First Sight. Enjoy! Hold in mind that,

‘Every beginning

is only a sequel, after all,

and the book of events

is always open halfway through’

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

They’re both convinced

that a sudden passion joined them.

Such certainty is more beautiful,

but uncertainty is more beautiful still.

Since they’d never met before, they’re sure

that there’d been nothing between them.

But what’s the word from the streets, staircases, hallways–

perhaps they’ve passed by each other a million times?

I want to ask them

if they don’t remember–

a moment face to face

in some revolving door?

perhaps a "sorry" muttered in a crowd?

a curt "wrong number"caught in the receiver?–

but I know the answer.

No, they don’t remember.

They’d be amazed to hear

that Chance has been toying with them

now for years.

Not quite ready yet

to become their Destiny,

it pushed them close, drove them apart,

it barred their path,

stifling a laugh,

and then leaped aside.

There were signs and signals,

even if they couldn’t read them yet.

Perhaps three years ago

or just last Tuesday

a certain leaf fluttered

from one shoulder to another?

Something was dropped and then picked up.

Who knows, maybe the ball that vanished

into childhood’s thicket?

There were doorknobs and doorbells

where one touch had covered another

beforehand.

Suitcases checked and standing side by side.

One night. perhaps, the same dream,

grown hazy by morning.

Every beginning

is only a sequel, after all,

and the book of events

is always open halfway through

If I haven’t mentioned about it before, firstly I have something to confess…

My life has changed since the day I had my eye brows done at a salon more than a year ago. It hurts so much as five minutes work was in place. But I see that day as the ‘point of no return’ for me as I transform slowly towards a beautiful swan¹. Next things I bought were eye shadows (I’ve got seven colors now), perfumes (gosh I’m starting to be scent fetish!), face mask, pore pack, foundation, and mascara. Needless to say, they are ‘must have’ stuffs for women and surely can be found in their make-up kits. Did I say to you that it has been an evolution? Then I lied… It’s been happening for 18 months, short enough to be called a revolution?

All my friends at high school and college probably know best the reason why. I was not appearance oriented girl. For me it was brain that counts. I didn’t have lip balm until I reached 20 (I wore lipstick just after I got the real job), first awareness of body lotion and face powder at the age of 19. Gosh I hope I don’t sound like telling you I was a nerd J Well I was, and arguably I still am. *blush*

Although most my old friends are surprised when they see me now (with that look of ‘wow, is this the ugly duckling I knew many years ago?’), the only thing I wear every day is face powder, lipstick, and high heels. Nothing more than that. So what about those eye shadows, foundation and mascara? If they came alive and could talk maybe they would beg to be other’s and cursed me as a geek that doesn’t have any sense of beauty. Now why I keep having things that I don’t need? And the list is longer and longer each day. Maybe tomorrow I’ll buy blush on when my insanity gets the best of me. I have ‘tomato chubby cheeks’ so why the hell I need blush on??? *scratching head*

Sadly this also applies to me in different areas of my life. It’s just the fact I have to accept that I always choose things or people I can live with, not those ones I can’t live without. I hope time will unfold the real me and there will be a day I kiss this childish, self centered Fenny goodbye… It’s just so pathetic that I keep buying (or striving for) stuffs and individuals catch my eye and steal my attention in a matter of days or weeks or months. Life is much more than just days (or weeks or months) and having more things doesn’t necessarily enrich someone’s life, especially when those things are trifling and insignificant. They maybe exquisite and posh, or unmistakably interesting to die for. However, if they are not the reason you wake up each day or ones that give this life a meaning it would be fair for me to say that you should think over and over before getting yourself in the pursuit of false image and frail happiness. Because the truth is they don’t last long and it’s just a matter of time when you realize you’ve been balancing yourself on shaky grounds.

I do hope everyone of us don’t have mascara (read : baggage) we carry with us at all timesJ. Ask yourself a question : do I need it/him/her to make me complete? Most of the case the answer is NO. Well, it’s time to let go.

¹ In such a contemporary world, beauty is not something you’re born with. Instead, it’s what you can afford. Literally you can buy your hair, complexion, or fix your nose. To listen to TLC’s Unpretty go to : http://song2play.com/t/tlc-3190/fanmail-14172/unpretty-187838.html

Jason Mraz - You And I Both (Live at The Fillmore)

Definition of platonic love is love beyond physical attachment, the existence of love despite impossibilities and challenges. According to Wikipedia, platonic love in its modern popular sense is an affectionate relationship into which the sexual element does not enter, especially in cases where one might easily assume otherwise. A simple example of platonic relationships is a deep, non-sexual friendship between two heterosexual people of the opposite sexes.

Often manifestaton of such love is not marriage, however it is not lesser in value. The famous platonic known to the world is Kahlil Gibran’s love story. One may argue that his works of love would not have been so inspiring had he not been deeply in love with May Ziadeh, a woman he never married to nor met in person.

I’ve been thinking about this platonic love since my early adolescence and always wondered if such love even exists. And now I can say to you all : Beware of what you wish for! *evil grin*

I’m pretty much in platonic love with a guy miles away from me. We develop our bond of friendship (if I have the privilege to say so) evenmore when we’re distance apart. Somehow it’s true that when you have the vibe, you have it. It doesn’t matter if the person is even non-existent or very different to you (an alien?!). You know what? My head is battling with my heart, my logic has been torn apart… Still, I can smile and be grateful to God for what He has given me.

Maybe I won’t see him for the rest of my life, maybe we will still keep in touch even after we marry to others, maybe he will be my bestfriend for life, maybe we’re falling apart, maybe I’m losing my sanity… *tragic sigh*

Too many maybe’s, too many insecurities, too little faith, too little understanding, too much love… That’s my definition of platonic love.

My friend, Rommel says that platonic love is pure and unconditional…it’s the feeling that matters, not what you get out of it.

Ragini Puri emphasizes it well.

‘A traditional and conservative society like ours looks on platonic relationships with suspecting eyes. It wonders whether in a friendship, physical attraction between the friends of opposite sexes can be sidestepped, whether platonic relationships – love and friendship without sexual alliance - can exist between a man and a woman. What they fail to understand is that platonic love is actually the sublimation of sexual urges into other forms of desires and attraction. It is love that looked beyond physical bodies to pure thoughts and intellectual stimulation.’

Whether you agree or disagree, check out this one.. You can say it’s tragic. I’d say it’s beautiful.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other’s cup, but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread, but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping;

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together yet not too near together;

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

- From The Prophet

Why are you getting yourself into trouble? If you’re smart enough to know that it makes sense to marry someone from the same background and it does, any of the studies will show you that, as far as the divorce rates go. Then you should be smart enough to know not to start something where nothing can come out of it. You’re only going to make a mess.

Words of wisdom above are quoted from Lisa Metzger’s line in PRIME. Lisa (Merryl Streep), a psychiatrist whose son is involved in juicy love relationship with her patient, a 36 year-old divorcee. Torn apart between her professionalism and her personal belief that her son deserves someone who equally shares similar backgrounds, Lisa tries to discourage her son and also her patient with reasoning and logical grounds. The story has predictable ending-especially for someone rational like me!-the couple ends their relationship.

After watching this movie, I got more complete picture about love and relationship, a never-ending struggle between heart and head, and the middle way (if any) that can brings you a sort of balanced approach when you’re dealing with them.

I reflected upon my own love-life (if I can call it so ;-p). I’ve been in love with three guys and none of them shares similar background with me. The sequence of the battle is more or less the same : head-heart-head. Of course in the end my head prevails. Since I don’t believe in love at the first sight, I started off with those three guys with neutral feelings. We were simply friends (not best friends, because I also don’t buy the idea that best friends can be lovers and vice versa). On one horrible moment, I realized I like him. The feeling was so strong that it could drastically change my mood. Suddenly life felt so beautiful and everything changed into colors. You must have heard this a million times or even experienced it yourself. Then if you have a crush on someone, how can you be smart enough to weigh your compatibility? I wasn’t smart because I liked those incompatible guys. My first love is a Christian. The second guy is a minister’s son. And the third is Christian and engaged (he’s been with his girlfriend for 7 years now). I haven’t been in touch with them for years and it only justifies my belief that we can’t continue be friends after we got struck by love. Yes, Lisa is right. I made a mess by starting something where nothing could come out of it.

Yet the question remains… Did I learn something from my mistakes and those messy ‘relationships’?

Yes, absolutely.

I learn that loving someone makes you a better person. Even though your care and love focus solely on that person you love, it is still good. You are not the same old self-centered individual when you are in love. You want the best for them and you want them to be happy.

I learn that liking someone is one thing. And hold responsibility of having that feeling is another. Ideally we should finish what we started but when it comes to love, sometimes we would instead run away and act like a coward. This recently-grasped knowledge makes me more considerate and careful with other’s feelings as well as mine. I won’t deliberately spread needles everywhere I go and laugh when someone steps on it and cries…

I learn to tell the difference between love and temporary attraction or even the worst of all, lust. Sometimes you’re just bored with your everyday life that you search for another kind of adventure. This is almost always driven by your ego and selfishness and only leads you to nothing. Thinking about having fun? Well get your own pleasure, don’t mess with someone else’s feelings. Especially for you that are MARRIED. Don’t make up any excuses for your ‘innocent curiosity’. Once you tie the knot, you give your vow. And if you easily break it, you harass your own value as human being. It makes you worthless. You’d better die.

I learn that religion is paramount in a person’s life. It’s very unfair that your spouse or even you, have to change belief to be able to start life together. How can you expect to start your life when you choose to lose yourself beforehand? There are some people who are not so religious and they have no problem changing their religion. But religion is not merely ritual. It has far-reaching effects on your life that you may not realize. Can you retain that spiritual (beyond religions) well-being when you say your prayers in a new manner?

Besides that, I know I fell in love with a few good men. All three have good qualities I search in a man. We had that chemistry and could talk at ease. We shared similar interests so it was like talking in the same language. With the third guy, we often talked at the same time and continued each other’s sentences (it was very obvious that we clicked). I never regret that I was in love because the experience’s all worth it.

After all, what does the concept of love really mean? Does the end game have to be marriage and children? Can you love someone for a finite amount of time and not be considered a failure? Maybe we’re meant to be in each other’s lives for a certain amount of time.

Some relationships clearly are meant to be forever, some aren’t. Can both be positive, both be love?

For me the answer is yes.