Fenny’s Fun Pensieve

Last week I went to PIM 2 XXI to watch this movie alone. I was the first to buy the ticket (abt 6 hours earlier) during my lunch break. I was surprised to learn that the theater was quite full. Maybe it’s the Ang Lee factor. To tell you the truth, that was not the reason I felt compelled to watch this movie. It’s the Lee Hom factor. While I haven’t met him in person (unlike my sister who did go to his showcase in China and brought home his autographed CD for me), I take the pleasure seeing him on the big screen or listening him on my iPod.

The movie was all right, I’d say watchable. Not as mind-blowing as many had expected from such a director like Ang Lee. The sex scenes were not as strong as I’d wanted to see (well, come on…I’m OVER 17!). Thank God, Lee Hom did only one kissing scene, I can have the rest in my wildest dream “hahaha….Focus focus….”

Okay, I’m here to rant and rave about women’s sacrifices for men they love. The leading lady in the movie was tricked to extremely dangerous espionage act to lure a suspected traitor. The reason behind her decision to undertake the suicidal mission was her love for a charismatic nationalist student. Whilst the dramatic espionage story involving life and death may not happen every day, women’s sacrifices take place basically every time in the form of compliance, coyness, subdued emotions, and so on. The simplest way to sacrifice is to go numb and do everything your man’s ask you to do even if it is against your will. You may not be comfortable doing pre-marital sexual activities but he says he loves you. So you try to be calm and brace yourself even though sometimes you feel very empty inside asking your worth. Or he has history of violence and when he gets upset you become his punching bag. You convince yourself that you can help him by staying at his side; that he never means to hurt you. He says he would love to see you two together forever but it can only happen if you convert to his religion. We can have 1001 ways of sacrificing our selves, all in the name of love. And the last question we want to hear is ‘Is he worth it?’

It is true that we have to validate our love through acts of caring and giving. Nonetheless when we give everything that we are, we often don’t have anything left for our self. Not even our dignity. So next time, when you ‘Stay up till four in the morning & the tears are pouring, asking yourself what you have been doing for all this time’[1] you should know that it’s your wake-up call. Leave him. Regain your worth. Embrace your soul.