To Survive and Sustain
Almost all people I know would admit that my survival rate is high. I’ve always been self-reliant, even more since I left home at the age of 17 for college. I was such a good student that my parents didn’t have to remind me to study. I know my obligations as a daughter as I never wanted to be a free rider. I got free meals everyday, enough allowance to spend on clothes, books, mags, and cassettes (yeah…sound outdated huh?). The least I could do was doing my best to make my folks proud.
Another good thing I’ve learnt along the way is to be adaptable and flexible. I left my Christian elementary school for a state junior high. Less than 5 class mates got admitted to the same school. In other words, I had to adjust myself and make some new friends. And it went all over again in high school and university. At first, I sobbed a lot, worrying that I might not fit in to the new environment. It might have been true if only I had not left my previous baggage (and friends) behind.
One of the most valuable lessons I learnt outside the class room is when I got separated from my girl friends in 3rd year of high school. They majored in Science and I bravely took the other path : Social ‘sciences’ (the reason I put it in parentheses is the common mockery from lots of scholars who note that social sciences don’t bear the slightest resemblance with ‘real’ physical sciences). Not surprisingly, I had to make necessary accommodation with my new class.
However, the internal need to play safe got the better of me during my college days. Sadly, I didn’t make a lot of friends just because I was reluctant to push my survival rate to the limit. Yet I met my best friends for life (hopefully!). Apart from that fact, I did quite well at college. You bet I needed it for the wild and unraveled employment world. Then first job came in, then the second. The problem is they locate in different part of
Jakarta . Think about Megamal Pluit and Pondok Indah Mall, and you’ll figure out the difference!
It’s been almost 1 ½ years since I took my second job. Living at the ‘backyard’ of PIM 2, I’m supposed to be having good times as long as I’ve got money to shop. As a matter of fact, sometimes it’s the other way around. One by one, friendship has lost each meaning. Don’t mention my elementary and junior high pals…I’m embarrassed to say that we don’t keep in touch, ever. And my high school buddies? Some of them work in
Jakarta but frankly speaking, other than having them listed on my Friendster, nothing! I barely call them, let alone meet. Well, there is one in particular. You know who you are Mon ;-p At least I do meet my college friends a couple of times. I guess it’s better than nothing at all. *nervous nail biting*
The biggest blow was when my best friend Antin got married last year. We haven’t met ever since. She’s no longer the one I tell my problems to or share stories with. I definitely miss that part of my life J What can I say? Life goes on… Anyway, sorry I forget to mention my sister. She has been studying in
China for four years now. That too, added to the equation, leaves me lonelier than ever. And of course, Benny who went home for a short holiday and flew back to
Melbourne 3 months ago.
To tell you the truth, there are times when I am vulnerable and sensitive. I get to think that I was born to be a lone ranger, as much as to doom more friendships than ones I can make. In a way, I now tend to believe that all good things must come to an end. It eases up a little as I anticipate myself for upcoming goodbyes and amicable splits. Still, it hurts me when we grow more and more distant (geographically and most important, emotionally). It’s like watching a slow motion movie when two people who once shared every bit of their lives, finally walk to different direction. One of them turns left, the other turns right; unknowingly that the distance between them grow inevitably larger.
Okay, I will stop here, hoping that you have a renewed understanding on what is important in life. Survival is a must. You need to survive every storm and difficult phase in your life, as well as be prepared for whatever life throws at you at times you’re on your own. Yet, it is equally important (or even more important?) to sustain friendships you make along the way. After all, life is short-lived and the thought of living the most of it alone surely chills you to the bone!
June 26th, 2007 at 1:38 am
hmmm .. gue yang Pertamax nih kasih comment. Curhat yg menarik Fen, jadi tahu your feeling for being far away from family and close friends :-). however, you can always make a new friend or even close friend wherever you are (asal loe gak kerja di tengah hutan or padang pasir
or you can even meet more and various people via blog :-). Hope you soon meet your soulmate who can make your days even better and happier. Make your friends surrounding you as part of your big family in this life …. cheers
June 27th, 2007 at 7:31 pm
Thanks Pak…I think we share one common resemblance as ‘orang daerah’ making a living in this big city
I look up to you and hopefully someday I’ll share another success story as a ‘global professional’ :))