Fenny’s Fun Pensieve

Our brain doesn’t work like computers in which you can erase things you don’t like with a single click. No, it certainly doesn’t. If that is the case, I bet life would be much simpler and nicer. There would be no hatred and conflicts amongst human beings as we easily erase bad memories caused by others’ action, harsh words, or ignorance. We would no longer be victimized by our own bad memories played over and over again-memories of events hurt us to the core, embarrassed us in some way, or tormented us physically and mentally.

I remember one ‘accident’ five years ago when I got bitten by my dog. He bit me on my left hand and he did the same to the right hand when I tried to use it to protect myself. The physical pain of it was nothing, compared to emotional grief I’ve had ever since. I had always been a pet lover, dogs especially (my own dog, to be more specific) and the fact that my own dog bit me is something I can never truly understand, even until today.

Since then I had either sleepless nights, or nightmares of I got bitten to death by dog (or dogs). I usually woke up feeling worse than what I felt in my dreams. The recovery took a year, marked by ‘dogless dreams’ and a new dog which I get along very well with.

Other memories, on the other hand, may take many more years to get over with. Some may even take a lifetime. Those, such as memory of painful moments when someone we love deeply turns out to be the one hurts us the most. Or when we must deal with rejections that come from our loved one or our surrounding from which we seek support and affirmation. Just imagine if someone you really love, rejects you with biased reasons (or maybe he/she refuses to say the reason). It doesn’t matter, you are hurt anyway, regardless you know the answer to your why’s or not.

Something I can’t fathom, those people –broken hearted and deeply hurt- glorify their memory by keeping pictures of their lost love, listening to music allowing them to sob and grief, or keeping things as a reminder, things like restaurant bills, small presents (even just a sweet strip once given by a loved one). Why don’t they just delete those pictures? Throw away those unworthy things if necessary (I don’t recommend you to throw your wedding ring to the garbage though!). Don’t lecture me with tons of excuses, for someone got bitten severely by a dog I know much about pain. The thing is I chose to move on. I decided to love my new dog (the dog who bit me, died a couple months after the accident. NO. I DIDN”T POISON OR STARVED HIM! I know you’re about to say that.)

And what puzzles me more is those who keep their memories even after they have someone new, someone who arguably loves them more than the cold-blooded who broke their hearts. I want to hear their reasons for nothing reasonable would serve a good excuse. But please give it a try. I’m looking forward to hearing from you!

To make you think otherwise, I can give you some refutable reasons for not doing that.

1.                  It’s foolish to rekindle bad memories. It only binds you to prolonged pain and unnecessary heartache.

2.                  It’s not fair for your new love. He/she deserves to have the complete you, not a broken, disoriented girl/guy who sets their template of happiness with someone from their past.

3.                  There is a possibility that your current girlfriend or boyfriend will soon get enough of you. It is very emotionally exhausting to think that our lover still has someone else so special in their heart.

Three reasons are enough. What are you waiting for? Start ripping pictures off, deleting them from your computer, and cleaning up your room of memories! I don’t say it will instantly cure your wounds, but it certainly helps you to recover.

[This is not my original writing, some of you may have read it before. Every word of it has some truth. You may not like it but it is true -at least to a certain extent. As you skim the article you will find these lines : "The one you love most doesn't love you. The one, who love you most, is never the one you love most.
And the one you spend your life with, is never the one you love most or the one who love you most". Get it? Hehe...Life is unfair, isn't it? Well, someone said to me "I think it's better to love than to be loved. And you feel great when the one you love also loves you." I remember replying to him "Of course, but it's way too idealistic."]

Four people you will meet in life.
Life is the process of finding love; every person will need to find four people in their life.

First person is you, Second person is the one you love most, Third person is the one who love you most, And the fourth is the one you spend the rest of your life with.

In life, firstly you will meet with the one you love most, and learn how love feels. Because you know how love feels, so you can find the person who loves you most. When you have experienced the feeling of loving others and being loved, you will then know what it is you need most. Then you will find the person who is most suitable for you, to be able to spend the rest of your life with.

Sadly, in real life, these three people are usually not the same person.

The one you love most doesn’t love you. The one, who love you most, is never the one you love most.
And the one you spend your life with, is never the one you love most or the one who love you most.
He is just the person who happens to be at the right place at the right time.

Which person are you in other people’s life?

No person will purposely have a change of heart.
At the point in time when he loves you, he really loves you. But when he doesn’t love you anymore,he really doesn’t love you anymore. When he loves you, he can’t pretend that he doesn’t. Same goes, when he loves you no more, there’s no way he can pretend he loves you.

When a person doesn’t love you and wants to leave you. You must ask yourself if you still love him, If you also don’t love him anymore, do not keep him just to save your pride. If you still love him, you should wish him happiness, and hope that he will be with the one he loves most, not stop him from it. If you stop him from finding true happiness with the one he loves, it shows you already don’t love him, And if you don’t love him, what rights do you have to blame him for a change of heart?

Love is not possessive, If you like the moon, you can’t just take it down and put it in your basin, But the moonlight still shines upon you. In other words, when you love a person, you can use another method of possessing the person. Let him become a permanent memory in you life. If you really love a person, you must love him for what he is. Love him for his good points, and the bad, You can’t wish for him to become like what you like him to be just because you love him. If he can’t change to become what you like him to be, you don’t love him anymore.

When you really love a person, you cannot find a reason why you love him, You only know that no matter when and where, good mood or bad mood, you will wish to have this person be with you. Real love is when two people can go through the toughest problems without asking for promises or listing criterias. In a relationship, you have to put in effort and give in at times, not always be on the receiving end. Being away from each other is a type of test, If the relationship isn’t strong, then you can only admit defeat. Real love will never become hate.

When two people are in love, They love to ask each other to swear, to make promises. Why do they ask each other to swear and promise?
Because they don’t trust each other, they don’t trust their lover. These swear and promises are useless; Till the sky falls, till the ocean dry, my love for you will never change! We all know that the sky will never fall; the ocean will never dry, Even if it does happen, are we still alive by then?
Be careful when making promises; don’t make promises that you cannot keep.
Swear by things that can never happen, because it can never happen, so no harm just saying it casually.
Remember, swearing by things that can never happen are the most touching!!
In a relationship, what you say is one thing, but what you do is another; The one saying, doesn’t believe; the one listening, also doesn’t believe.

My first encounter with this poem by Wislawa Szymborska (a Nobel prize winner) occured two years ago when I watched Turn Left Turn Right, a movie starred Takeshi Kaneshiro and Gigi Leung. Gigi played a translator who was doing translation of best-selling horror series yet she was far more interested in Szymborska’s Love At First Sight. I believe that the poem is the spirit of the story and it touches everyone who reads (the movie was based on a book) or watches it. I personally don’t believe such cheesy romantic stuffs as ‘love at first sight’, ‘dancing in the moonlight’, or ‘happily ever after’. Nevertheless this poem has just got the better of me since the first time I watched the movie. It’s moving yet logical, romantic yet honest… I do believe that everything happens for a reason, and everything’s made for the BIG thing. There’s no such thing as coincidence. Fate makes things intertwined one another, at first we would not recognize its astonishing work of arts but there will come a day that we shake our heads and exclaim ‘So…this is it..!’ I will say no more and leave you with English translation of Szymborska’s Love At First Sight. Enjoy! Hold in mind that,

‘Every beginning

is only a sequel, after all,

and the book of events

is always open halfway through’

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

They’re both convinced

that a sudden passion joined them.

Such certainty is more beautiful,

but uncertainty is more beautiful still.

Since they’d never met before, they’re sure

that there’d been nothing between them.

But what’s the word from the streets, staircases, hallways–

perhaps they’ve passed by each other a million times?

I want to ask them

if they don’t remember–

a moment face to face

in some revolving door?

perhaps a "sorry" muttered in a crowd?

a curt "wrong number"caught in the receiver?–

but I know the answer.

No, they don’t remember.

They’d be amazed to hear

that Chance has been toying with them

now for years.

Not quite ready yet

to become their Destiny,

it pushed them close, drove them apart,

it barred their path,

stifling a laugh,

and then leaped aside.

There were signs and signals,

even if they couldn’t read them yet.

Perhaps three years ago

or just last Tuesday

a certain leaf fluttered

from one shoulder to another?

Something was dropped and then picked up.

Who knows, maybe the ball that vanished

into childhood’s thicket?

There were doorknobs and doorbells

where one touch had covered another

beforehand.

Suitcases checked and standing side by side.

One night. perhaps, the same dream,

grown hazy by morning.

Every beginning

is only a sequel, after all,

and the book of events

is always open halfway through